Know Your SNvM Community: JED BARISH

        By Joyce Patterson-Rogers, Edited by Jed Barish


Those of you who know Jed Barish may be surprised to find out that he was born in Tyler TX. He is just as surprised as you are. Jed's father is a Rabbi and was an army chaplain for 24 years, so his family moved to many different locations.

Jed vaguely remembers that at five years old, his father was assigned to an Army base in Germany. Jed learned to speak German very quickly. His family lived near a ferry boat dock and one day little Jed presented himself to the ferry boat operators and announced that he was working for them and they were to pay him one penny for each ferry crossing. He remembers enjoying crossing the river back and forth as well as receiving his salary. He still has most of the money.

School in Germany was tough on Jed. The kids were always beating up the "little Jew boy" so one day he brought weapons to school to defend himself. Jed was busted and immediately packed off to a nuthouse in NYC, at around age 12. Jed, who became addicted to nicotine with his first cigarette (stolen from a camp counselor when he was approximately 9 years old), was horrified to find out he wasnąt allowed to smoke; he quickly negotiated a nefarious arrangement to supply him with cigarettes and things went fairly smoothly for him while he resided on the first floor of this posh institution. However, after the easily manipulated left, Jed couldn't procure cigarettes and as he got angrier, found himself moved from "gen-pop" to "Death Row" on the 7th floor. There they pounded his sad little head with electric shocks. Then they shipped him to the State nuthouse where Jed soon negotiated his way out.

Jed was sent to a private school for crazy but smart children in New Hampshire. He remembers that the headmaster had giant sheep dogs and bunches of cats that slept on top of the dogs. (Jed finds it an irony that the headmaster was prosecuted for sleeping on top of young students many years later). Jed's roommate was an electronic genius, Peter Farnsworth Hebb, who built a television with a remote, a stereo and many other automated devices long before Silicon Valley made these electronic wonders available to the general population. Peter and Jed even tapped into the electricity from a neighboring building and ran a line, burying it underground, to their window; later, the headmaster failed at his attempt to punish them by turning off the electricity to their room. Jed lasted six or seven months in that school. The angry boy was sent to many schools only to be kicked out. What a crazy dude!

At around age 15, Jed started hanging out in Greenwich Village, N.Y. He worked at an employment agency and sold sex in his spare time. Jed has always been an entrepreneur. He tried to start a nightclub for lesbians but when a friend called from Kansas City, extolling its virtues and inviting Jed to come work for an employment agency in Kansas City, he left New York. When the Kansas City employment agency went out of business and stiffed the employees out of their paychecks, Jed broke into the locked office, stole the payroll checks, cashed them all over town and left for Chicago on the night train. "God, that was fun!"

Jed traveled around America for some years, making his living by whoring, cashiering and writing bad checks. Then Jed met a guy who got him a job in the circus. They hitchhiked to Winston-Salem, falling into many interesting adventures along the way. He continued traveling and after spending a month in pre-civil rights New Orleans, Jed ended up in Berkeley to visit a girl he knew from his New Hampshire school days. There, at age 20, he met one of his great mentors, the artist, Tetsu Okuhara.

Jed's mentor told him he should end this ridiculous lifestyle and suggested Jed move to Japan and change his "silly behavior." Jed took Tetsu's advice but he couldn't get a work permit in Japan so he ended up in Korea. It was there that Jed went to work for a military contractor. Jed had never even heard of Vietnam until his employer locked all the employees on the military base for the first bombing of North Vietnam. Jed married his Korean wife, Sun cha, at age 22 just before leaving for Vietnam to do construction work. (Jed and Sun cha have one son, Daniel who lives in Las Vegas). He worked as Assistant Manager at Vung Tao, a resort area. He later became Camranh Bay Site Manager. Managing 1,100 workers taught him many skills; he learned that if he paid people well, with both respect and money, that they'd help him out. Jed learned how to drive in Vietnam. He learned to drive every piece of machinery that was there. He was in charge of building PXs,bathrooms, barracks and tent floors. Jed observed the "trickle up" theory prevailing as Korea became very prosperous while the Vietnam War progressed.

Jed left Vietnam in 1967. He stopped in Bangkok en route to Korea, indulged himself in Sing Ha beer and a hooker and got so sick he missed his flight home to Korea; that flight crashed in Hong Kong Harbor. He got a job and spent a year in Thailand.

Jed was smuggling gold and watches between Korea and Hong Kong for a little less than a year when he got arrested in Hong Kong airport for possession of marijuana. He feels it was a blessing in disguise because it was the beginning of metal detectors in airports. He spent 3 horrible days in a Hong Kong jail for possession of 3 joints. The very worst part, for Jed, was that he couldn't smoke.

Jed went back to Korea, got a resident permit and started exporting handbags, building up a very prosperous business, until 1974. By then son, Daniel, was 5 years old and ready for school. Jed and Sun cha traveled all over the U.S. to figure out where to move. In Las Vegas they found ". . .the most people with the least brains and the most money" and chose to live here for that reason.

In Las Vegas, Jed finally fulfilled a life-long dream of joining Mensa; he joined SNvM in January 1977. Mensa was fabulous for Jed; after being isolated all those years overseas, he finally had friends who "spoke the same language" and with whom he had great fun and adventures. Unfortunately, Sun cha was jealous of the camaraderie Jed developed with his SNvM friends and it triggered a divorce. Jed and Sun cha remain friends and united in parenting their son, Daniel.

After the divorce, Jed indulged in Stan Dale "Sex, Love and Intimacy" workshops, and far too many insipid "bimbo" girlfriends. He started a phone sex business with one of "bimboest" of all of them, who stole money from the business. He restarted the phone sex business and, after a couple of false starts, built one of the most innovative phone sex businesses in the country. Jed created fantasy themes, created jobs for the disabled, paid good wages and made millions. Today, he's no longer in the phone sex business.

Recently, Jed got the bright idea to ignore every rule of business that he learned over the years and opened Umiau, a furniture store on Pecos just north of Sunset, to sell ultra-modern, futuristic furniture that only he and his business partners (but nobody else) love. He's adjusting the inventory and testing the market with a new Italian glass line.

Jed feels he finally has a wonderful balanced life with his platonic partner of 3 years and true love, Monica, whom he believes is a fallen angel and reincarnation of his beloved Seven Cat. Jed, Monica and pet cat, Pu, plan to move to San Francisco for a 3-month trial of continuous hula hooping for charity in Golden Gate Park. If it works out, they plan to make the move permanent. Pu is very excited.

Jed is too old and ugly and tired to return to a life of crime. So don't worry about his soul. He starts Social Security this year. His sister wrote the movie Desperately Seeking Susan. His father wrote Basic Jewish Beliefs. Jed wrote bad porn. Jed wishes more people would smoke. Jed wishes more people bought futuristic furniture. Jed's OK.